


Remains

by ThymeSprite



Category: Lord - Fandom, The Lord of the Rings (Movies), The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types, The Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Established Relationship, F/M, Goodbye Sex, Goodbyes, Helm's Deep, Miscarriage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-14
Updated: 2015-02-14
Packaged: 2018-03-12 10:01:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3352475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThymeSprite/pseuds/ThymeSprite
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Elves of Lothlorien have received marching orders and Haldir's wife fears for her husband.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Remains

**Author's Note:**

  * For [magicdrusilla](https://archiveofourown.org/users/magicdrusilla/gifts).



The unthinkable had happened; the Elves of Lothlorien had received marching orders. At dawn, they would march to Helm’s Deep, a fortress of the people of Rohan, to defend them against the threat the Orcs posed.

Inais was still in shock after she had heard the news. Their soldiers would leave… Haldir would leave as he had been chosen to take command of the force Galadriel and Celeborn had decided to send to the humans for help. He would go. And for the last months, Inais had barely seen him, even less touched the man she loved.

But she had simply not been able to do so, the pain had smothered everything in her. And yet… who, if not Haldir, could heal her? As he had always tried?

Sitting on their bed with tears in her eyes, Inais remembered when she had found that she was carrying Haldir’s unborn child, their first child. She had been overjoyed… and devastated when she lost it. Haldir had been saddened, too, but nevertheless he had dried her tears, embraced her and told her that he loved her, that they would go through this and she had nodded, believing him, and had even smiled. She had even dared to hope when she had once again been with child, hoping to hold their newborn in her arms within a few months’ time… and again, her hopes had been shattered, lacerated by horribly familiar cramps and a gush of blood.

Again Haldir had been there for her, again she had believed him, again she had hoped. And had ended up crestfallen and desperate once again.

Since then, for weeks she had not tolerated the sight of anyone, she had not even wanted to see her cousin, Legolas, when he had come to Lothlorien with the Fellowship of the Ring, she had barely been able to look into Haldir’s loving eyes, how should she have managed to look into anyone else’s?

So she had holed up in their bed, seldom leaving their quarters at all. But she had nevertheless heard the two of them talk when Legolas had wanted to see her despite everyone’s confirmation that she was really in no state to meet someone. The only one that had stopped him, a few steps before her front door, had been Haldir: “Do not, my friend, I beseech you.”

“What is wrong with her? Tell me, I am worried about my cousin.”, Legolas had replied sternly and Inais remembered, sitting on the very bed she had been lying in back then, that she had thought of Legolas’ care for those who had his affections and she also knew that it should have made her smile, yet it had only brought tears to her already reddened eyes and it did so when she now thought about it again.

“You know how Inais loves children… yet we have not been blessed with one. When last you met her, we had lost two already. Three weeks ago…”, Haldir spoke, but his voice died and broke before he managed in a barely audible whisper, “…We lost a third. The child died in the womb.”

She heard Legolas’ silent and pained sigh and all it did was bring even more tears to her eyes, it wrenched sobs from her breast and made her heart bleed she had thought empty of all life, devoid of emotion… all emotion despite sadness and despair.

“So, do not insist on seeing her.”, Haldir pleaded, “She barely leaves our chambers. And she can barely look at me.”

In that very moment, Inais had felt something cut through her pain and her loss and now, weeks later, she knew that it had been guilt. In all her sadness, she had never thought of Haldir’s pain, of all the courage he had needed to be there, to hold her when she had been unable to stand and he had nevertheless been as solid as a mountain, all for her.

And now… he would leave. First thing in the morning, he would don his armour, equip his weapons and leave Lothlorien, leave her behind to fight a battle that was not his. And all Inais could think of, sitting on their shared bed in the last light of the day that she had thought would never come, all she could think of was that she had ignored Haldir for the last months, had even pushed him away unaware of his pain as she had been too wrapped up in her own anguish to see anything beyond her own sorrow. He would leave because he had to and she had not let him know that she loved him and always would. So she decided that tonight had to be different, that she would not only live next to him, a mere apparition instead of the wife she had promised to be more than a century ago. Inais did not know how she should overcome her own pain, but for once it was time to do for her husband what he had always done for her; relief pain, promise that it would all be alright, eventually. She did not know how to do this, but she knew she had to try and try she would.

So she waited for his return and nevertheless flinched when she heard Haldir’s weary footsteps approaching their door. When he entered the room, weariness and apprehension wafted off him in almost tangible waves. When their eyes met, a small, tender smile graced Haldir’s lips, but then he cocked his head to one side, watching her at first curiously, then concerned.

“My love?”, he asked, clearly noticing the change in her, but all Inais did was smile at him. It felt strange and unfamiliar and from the way Haldir rapidly blinked as if he could not fathom what his eyes were seeing, Inias knew that it probably looked more like a grimace than the smile she had intended. It made her burst out in quiet laughter, a sight and sound that confused Haldir even more as he slowly shook his head.

“Forgive me.”, Inais asked of him and approached him and slowly, as if she had forgotten how to do this, she put her arms around his waist, looking up at him, “Forgive me for all I have done to you, love. I cannot get past my sadness about…”

She stopped, tears threatening to spill from her eyes again, but when she felt Haldir’s arms close around her, gently pressing her against his chest, she took a deep breath and fought back the tears before she added: “I cannot get past this. But I love you and I have now realised that I did not show this to you. I am sorry for this.”

“Don’t be, there is no need.”, Haldir asked, but she gently stopped him, “There is. I want to make it up to you, even though I do not know how. Yet. Let me start with wishing you luck for the upcoming battle.”

Saying this, Inais got to the tips of her toes to reach him and pressed her lips to Haldir’s cheek. As she did, Inais realised that she had not done so in a long time, for too long in fact. And Haldir too realised this, for he tensed, gripping a tight hold of Inais, his fingers curling against her hips, pulling her close to him as if to never let her go again.

When she leaned back, Inais saw in his eyes the smouldering embers of passion neglected for too long, neglected because she had not been able to bear even such little intimacy as a kiss to his cheek, let alone more. He had hidden it well, but no longer.

Unable to speak and sure that words were lost and meaningless at this moment anyway, Inais tenderly stroked over the smooth cheek she had just kissed, feeling how Haldir leaned into her touch, savouring every moment of it like a parched man would savour a drop of water, and he trembled, holding back, restraining from what he really wanted to do. No longer.

Determined, but as insecure as she had been when she had first been so close to him, Inais once again got to the tips of her toes, but this time, placed a kiss onto Haldir’s lips. It was only a tender, chaste meeting of their lips, but it held a promise of more.

With a gasp of surprise, Haldir winced, but then tightened his hold of her, almost pulling Inais off her feet as he pressed her against his chest.

“Forgive me…”, he whispered, reluctantly letting her go, but she put her finger to his lips, gently silencing him. And when his eyes met hers, still in disbelief, but glimmering with hope and lust, she only smiled and shook her head. Still smiling and never leaving the fire in his eyes, Inais stepped back from him and it pained her to see that he let go of her as if he was worried to hurt her. So she took a hold of his hands and, walking backwards, gently pulled him with her towards their bed.

He blinked in disbelief, but she knew that he understood… he was just not ready to believe it yet. So her smile brightened and she playfully tugged at his hands, catching him off guard and eliciting a quiet chuckle.

When Inais felt the bed thud against the back of her legs, she stopped and undid the belt that held her dress together, letting the fabric fall to the ground in a soft whisper of cloth. Haldir stared at her and she could not hold this against him, she was astonished herself, could not fathom her doing. But nevertheless she spoke the only words she could offer as explanation: “I love you. And I need you with me.”

“I have to leave tomorrow…”, Haldir mumbled, pained, but Inais hushed him, “I know. I will not stop you, I know you have to go. But I did not want you to go without knowing that I will be here, waiting for you.”

For a long moment, he merely looked at her, but when Inais reached for him, he did not even give her the time to come halfway. Instead, he took a step forward and snatched her up in his arms to press his lips to hers in a hungry, desperate kiss.

Moaning in surprise, something unravelled in her and his hunger ignited Inais’ own. All doubt and all reserve vanished like smoke and ashes burnt. She could not get enough and instead of peeling Haldir out of his clothes, she yanked at them impatiently, not caring for their condition at all.

Together they tumbled down on the bed, both panting and greedily touching, kissing, holding one another. But when Haldir joined her, they both paused and looked in each other’s eyes. No words were needed; they had never really needed words anyway and even less so in this very moment.

Synchronously, they started moving, clinging to each other… and it was bliss.

Trying to catch their breath, they lay together in the middle of the night and Inais relished Haldir’s touch, how he wove his fingers through her hair and how his heart was beating steadily under her palm.

“Sleep, my love.”, he whispered before pressing a kiss to her forehead and she sighed happily, but spoke nevertheless, “Forgive me for what I did to you.”

“If there had ever been anything to forgive, I did long ago.”, was his quiet and tender reply, “You worry too much, my love.”

She chuckled at this, because yes, she had heard that quite often. Drifting off into sleep, Inais smiled, but at the bottom of her heart, she dreaded Haldir’s parting in the morrow.

 

In the dead of night, Inais woke with a start. Out of instinct she reached for Haldir next to her, and only when her hand met nothing but cold sheets did she remember that he had left for Helm’s Deep days ago. By now he would be fighting, she was sure of it.

What she did not know was what had woken her, but the sense of dread and utter terror made it impossible to even think of sleep for the night. Her heart was beating violently, like a caged bird desperate to flee, yet without the slightest notion where to flee to, where to go.

Breathing heavily, Inais dressed and left their chambers. Some of the guards posted at night nodded at her. Since Haldir had been gone, she had managed to leave their rooms more often and she had been pleasantly surprised by the warm welcome everyone had given her. Yet she had limited her little ventures to the time of night as fewer were around then.

She wandered aimlessly through the forest, almost silent, but bustling with life nonetheless. And without her conscious thought, her feet led her up to Lady Galadriel’s chambers. Could she interrupt in the middle of the night? And without a reason despite her violently beating heart?

“Come in, child.”, chided the Lady’s soft voice through the breeze, “I have expected you.”

How so?, Inais wondered, but she did not voice her question. However, her heart knew when she looked into Galadriel’s sad eyes, her heart knew long before her mind had had the chance to catch up with it and when it did, her mind shied back from the unspeakable truth she saw clearly edged into the worrying lines of the Lady’s face.

“No…”, she breathed, rushing, stumbling towards Galadriel, but stopping dead in her tracks half the way, “No.”

The Lady cast down her eyes in unspoken sadness and Inais’ knees gave way under her. She dropped to the floor, kneeling there all numb and unable, unwilling to believe it.

“Be strong, child.”, Galadriel asked of her, “You have to be strong now that he is gone and can no longer be strong for you.”

Hearing confirmation of what she had dreaded and already known as soon as she had awoken with a start now wrenched withheld sobs from Inais’ throat and she cried, her sobs shaking her whole body and her tears flowing as if to drown her. She felt the Lady Galadriel stand in front of her, but Inais did not have the strength to look up… all strength and hope she had possessed dissipated when the realisation hit her. He was gone, Haldir was gone and she would never see him again, never see his smile, feel his touch or his kiss… never again.

“Stand up, child.”, Galadriel softly asked of her, but Inais did not even manage to shake her head, so the Lady added, “Stand up. You have to live…”

“What for?!”, Inais shot at her, anger and despair coiling up in her and now lashing out at the messenger of such dark words, “What for? He is gone.”

“That he is indeed.”, Galadriel murmured and Inais hid her face in her hands, sobbing, “But a part of him is still with you. And this part needs you, it depends on you.”

The following silence threatened to smother Inais, but it quieted her sobs when slowly, unbelievably realisation dawned upon her. Was it truly possible…?

Blinking up at Galadriel, the Lady knelt down beside her and nodded, smiling. Gently, Galadriel folded Inais’ shaking hands over her own stomach and told her sincerely: “A daughter.”

Once again, sobs burst from Inais throat and her tears flowed freely. But this time they were different, they tasted not only of the bitterness of loss, but also of the sweetness of this gift she had received.

“Dry your tears, child, and get up.”, the Lady Galadriel asked her again, smiling softly and she offered her hands to help Inais to her feet, “There is much to do, you have to prepare.”

“I will leave with the next ship.”, she said, sniffling and her voice raspy from her crying, “I will raise our daughter in Valinor.”

Galadriel nodded at her: “You will not be alone. Never.”

Folding her hands over her stomach again, Inais left the Lady’s chamber to pack her things. There was nothing to hold her here, but everything to be gained in the West.

“We will leave together.”, Inais spoke into the silence of their chambers that did not feel right anymore, “I will raise her, Haldir, and we will find a way. Won’t we, Halien?”

**Author's Note:**

> This oneshot is based on a dream I had.  
> All I remember is Haldir looking bleakly at his feet and sadly mumbling "The child died in the womb..."   
> (Kinda spooked me, to be honest...)


End file.
